Masterful Parenting

 How do you break the pattern of arguing with your kids? Hi, I'm Anne Alvares, Parent Coach of the Masterful Parenting Program. Today, I want to share of method for breaking the pattern of arguing. Disagreeing is normal in families and will happen, especially if you have teenagers. It becomes unhealthy if arguing is happening daily or weekly and if the arguments are strong in intensity. My youngest loves to argue with me and often questions me (yes, he is now a teenager). Here is the strategy I use when an argument is starting: STOP S - Stop and Listen - Do not respond. I know, this takes practice. So breathe while you are listening and pay attention to listening for the emotion your child is expressing. Anger, frustration, sadness. T -Time - Respond with "I hear you are . . . (feeling frustrated, angry, sad) and I think we can discuss this when we are both calmer. Then we can make better decisions. How about we set aside time to talk about this tonight?" It...

Do you find that since becoming a parent, you worry more?  Hi, I'm Anne Alvares, Parent Coach of the Masterful Parenting Program.  And I know worry as a mother of two boys.  I understand it very well.  Many times, I could not sleep until my 18 year old son came home at 3am from work.  I worried when my youngest son wouldn't sleep through the night or refused to sleep in his own bed.  Eventhough, I am a Parent Coach now, I am not absolved from worry.  Today, I am going to give you my 5 steps to keep the worrying at bay and this has made a huge difference in my own mental wellbeing. 1.  Figure out what is in your control and what is not .  If it's in your control, what actions can you take as a precaution.  For example, if your child has eczema, can you research what are the causes and treatments to help your child.  Taking control when you have control is always empowering.  If it's about something that you don't have control o...

Did you know that you can be a Parent Influencer?  Hi, I’m Anne Alvares, Parenting Coach of the Masterful Parenting Program.  Recently, I read a blog from GRIN about the 5 Characteristics of a Good Influencer and this made me think about the ways we can be influencers in our role as parents. So here are the 5 characteristics and how they apply to parenting:   1. Authenticity – People want authenticity and so do our kids . This means being genuine in our praise. When we notice our child accomplish something and we think it's great, we praise. If we praise our child to help make them feel good, but it is not authentic, our children will know. 2. Building Community – We do not live on the planet alone and it really does takes a village to raise a child. So build your village, connect with your child’s friends and their parents, connect with your church, your temple, be involved in your child’s school through volunteering or serving on the PAC. This is how you build ...

Do you know that the pain from your childhood can make you a better parent ?  Hi, I’m Anne Alvares, Parent Coach in the Masterful Parenting Program .  When I was working with a mom of a teenage boy, she told me that her son has blamed her for moving to Canada away from his friends and family .  He tells her, “Life here is bad and that it’s all your fault .  We never should have come here.”  I asked her when he spoke these words, what were you thinking ?  She said, "He hates me, he doesn’t appreciate me, he makes me feel unworthy" .  How did this make you feel ?  And she said, “angry, very angry ”.   What did you do with these feelings? “I didn’t speak to him ”, she said .  I asked her, “Have there been other times when you felt unworthy, perhaps in your childhood ?  And she answered tearfully, “Yes ”.    Then I saw the breakthrough .  I said that the feelings of unworthiness stem from your childhood and not from ...

  Do you sometimes feel like your own childhood experiences are getting in the way of your parenting today ?  Perhaps, you had very overprotective parents who raised you with fear, or maybe your parents had unrealistic expectations and you always felt whatever you did wasn’t good enough .  Or perhaps you experienced toxic relationships where you didn’t feel safe .  Whatever your story is, your childhood experiences can get in the way of becoming the parent you want to be and the one your child needs .  Hi, I’m Anne Alvares, Parent Coach of the Masterful Parenting Program .  I understand how childhood experiences can affect your parenting .  I was raised by very authoritative parents, where we were seen but not heard .  And the messaging was always, “You need to respect me,” no matter what .  In my own parenting, I have struggled with this idea of children needing to respect their parents .  So, on one occasion, my oldest son decid...