STOP - A Strategy for Breaking the Pattern of Arguing

 How do you break the pattern of arguing with your kids?


Hi, I'm Anne Alvares, Parent Coach of the Masterful Parenting Program. Today, I want to share of method for breaking the pattern of arguing.


Disagreeing is normal in families and will happen, especially if you have teenagers. It becomes unhealthy if arguing is happening daily or weekly and if the arguments are strong in intensity. My youngest loves to argue with me and often questions me (yes, he is now a teenager). Here is the strategy I use when an argument is starting: STOP


S - Stop and Listen - Do not respond. I know, this takes practice. So breathe while you are listening and pay attention to listening for the emotion your child is expressing. Anger, frustration, sadness.


T -Time - Respond with "I hear you are . . . (feeling frustrated, angry, sad) and I think we can discuss this when we are both calmer. Then we can make better decisions. How about we set aside time to talk about this tonight?" It's important for your child to know that we cannot think objective with heightened emotions.


O- Objective – To help you to be objective and clear in your thinking, you can ask yourself:

Is my child's request reasonable? Do I have fears around this request? Are my fears valid? 

Am I following beliefs from my own childhood? You can get advice from a close friend or family member if you think you cannot be objective. Then you can discuss the fears you may have with your child. Together you can problem solve.


P – Pray/Pause – When you take time to meditate on the problem, you are opening yourself up to solutions. Ask God/the universe for guidance. Be still so you can hear.  Speak from a place of love and your child will hear you. 

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