Fear Stifles Growth in Our Kids

Do you sometimes feel overprotective and fearful in your parenting role?  Does your fear get in the way of your relationship with your child?  If this is you, be assured, you are not alone. 

Hi, I’m Anne Alvares, Parenting Coach of Masterful Parenting.  I am also the parent of two boys and I understand fear in parenting. 

When my oldest son was 16 years old, he told me that he was planning to go on a bike trip with his friend, on a ferry, just the two of them.  My immediate reaction was fear and I imagined all the bad things that could happen to them.  And yes, I told my son I didn’t think it was a good idea.  Not something I would recommend now as a Parenting Coach.  But what scared me more was what my son told me next.  He said that he thought I wouldn’t approve and he was thinking he would go without telling me.  My heart hurt. 

I said to him, never keep information from me, please.  I could never forgive myself if anything happened to you.  So, I conceded to his plan for his bike trip but I asked him for two things:

1) an itinerary of the trip to ease my own anxiety and

2) answer your cellphone.

And so that faithful day came when he went on his trip.  That day, I still felt fearful but I also began to feel excited for his adventure and while he was on the trip he texted me and was very happy,

“I’m here at the parliament buildings.”  I was so stoked.

It was at that moment that I realized that I had made the right decision to let him go and let go of my own fear. 

Today, my oldest son is very confident and capable despite his mom’s initial fears.  When we let go of fear and instead offer support to our kids, we will see them thrive. 

Fear in parenting is normal, even natural and part of our biological instinct to protect but our fears should not stifle our childrens’ growth.